The universe really does whisper until it screams

It seems there are three types of losses we experience in life – heartbreak, a loss of attachment and a loss of detachment, each with its own lesson [1]. That fateful summer I endured all three. My therapist calls them my trifecta.

Heartbreak is when you lose someone you love. It is a loss that is unanticipated and/or not of your making. Rather, it teaches you about your capacity to love and will make you grateful and appreciative for what you once had.

A loss of attachment is when a breakup completely undermines your sense of self. It is not about the loss of the person so much as the loss of the future you envisioned with them. It can be devastating, but it will force you to confront who you really are.

A loss of detachment is when you choose to let go of someone because you realize they are not good for you. As painful as it is, it is actually a sign of maturity, as it comes from being self-aware enough to prioritize your own well-being.

I could argue that I suffered all three forms of loss with the breakup alone. And from where I stand today that’s actually true because the losses have come in stages. But there were actually two other factors at play that fateful summer.

The first was coming to terms with the fact that my son was now living thousands of miles away – literally 3048, door to door (my heartbreak). The second being the realization of just how far apart my siblings and I were, figuratively speaking (my eventual loss of detachment).

As terrible a time as this was for me generally, it was the breakup (aka my loss of attachment) that plunged me into the abyss. Ironically, it also forced my hand. I really had no choice in the matter. It was either that or continue along the same old destructive path I had been taking for far too long.

It’s funny how a single event can totally alter the trajectory of one’s life. With my therapist’s help, I have come to see how the relationship symbolized everything that was wrong with me. Or more specifically, my family. Which explains why I found him so very compelling….

[1] See “When You’re Ready, This Is How You Heal” by Brianna Wiest.