Affaires de cœur

My record suggests I am not lucky in love. For the most part the men have all been decent guys, yet the love I long for has been elusive to date.

I have had my share of relationships – a brief one at university, a marriage, and several post-divorce that lasted anywhere from some months to a few years.

I don’t, however, have much dating experience. It’s never really been my thing. I’m either with someone or I’m not (which doesn’t bode well in a dating-app-based world).

I have been lucky in that I haven’t been subjected to much bad behavior. I’m not saying the endings were great (they wouldn’t have ended if they were), just that there was no funny business.

As far as I know, that is.

It took a few years, but I am on great terms with my ex-hubbie. My relationship with the ex-bf is more complicated, as I still harbor feelings for him.

What is interesting is thinking about the trajectory of my relationships. They have all been emblematic of the place I was in. In other words, they have all served as a kind of mirror.

Mirroring my flaws, what I need to work on, what I could do better. Or differently. Sometimes you need a good hard look in that mirror to see yourself clearly.

Because what relationships really do is reflect back. You may think you’re seeing the other person, but what’s really on display is yourself – in all your glory.

Assuming you’re willing to see, that is. Because it takes guts, and vulnerability. But that’s only half the battle. The real work comes next. And that requires change.