Therapy 101

In thinking about therapy, I have come to a few conclusions:

1. It’s all about recognizing patterns. Theoretically, once you understand the patterns that play out in your life you know what to look out for, and ideally, make conscious choices to prevent them from recurring.

2. Therapy is a lot of work. And you need to be open to the process. It can be arduous and painful. I have now been talking to my therapist for over two years now, and I am still having realizations about things in my life.

3. There is a reason why no one can do the work for you. I find I will understand something logically before I truly get it – that is, on a deeply emotional level. It is only at that point that you will be able to address it.

4. This also explains why you can talk to someone till you’re blue in the face and nothing will change. They need to get to a place of understanding themselves. Which only happens when they are ready. And there’s absolutely nothing you can do about that.

5. Some people will never do the work. Hard to accept, but true.

6. Everyone is limited to a certain degree. Some more than others. In one way or another, we have all been affected by our parents and events from our childhood.

7. The best thing you can do is focus on yourself because that’s the only area over which you have control.

8. The work is never done. Which ironically is a good thing. It means there is always room for growth. And you want to grow. You want to become the best possible version of yourself.

9. I know my parents loved me, but I now also understand the damage I have suffered at their hands. They did their best, of course, but that doesn’t mean they are absolved. I will always love them, but that doesn’t mean I like what happened.

10. I think real maturity is accepting people at face value and making a conscious decision to move past the pain and hurt. That is, taking responsibility for your life from here on in and making it what you want.