Shame on me, shame on you

Shame is such an ugly word. The emotion can play a healthy role in life, albeit, only in limited amounts and/or occasional circumstances.

One can and should be ashamed of bad behavior. In such a case, shame will make you feel remorseful, which is precisely the point.

Shame that lingers is another matter. It usually comes from another person’s opinion of you, which can have disastrous effects on one’s sense of wellbeing.

It’s when one has been made to feel bad about who they are, or how they are. Typically, such feelings can be traced back to specific events that occurred in one’s past.

The result is usually a deep sense of unworthiness or incompetency in whichever department the injury was sustained.

I recognize the areas I feel shame. Nothing I “did” was ever to blame. But the overall effect made me feel like something was wrong with me.

It’s the areas that I feel I can’t do something or am less than others in some way or other. Because someone told me so. Not because I found out on my own.

The irony is, it’s not actually about you. It’s about the other person’s low opinion of themselves, which is then projected onto you to make them feel superior.

There is never a need to deliver such a low blow. And it’s one thing when this happens to an adult, quite another when it happens to a child.

Children are impressionable, fragile and still in the process of being molded. Not to mention, defenseless. They need bolstering, not tearing down.

Imagine not having had those kinds of limitations imposed upon you. Criticism can be constructive, but it is more often destructive.

It’s really too bad some people do not understand that.