Something ventured, everything gained

Below is an essay I submitted two summers ago to my local newspaper. Although it was not accepted, it was actually a great exercise for me (not just writing it, but also sending it).

It served as a basis for this blog, so certain thoughts have been repeated. The subject matter was connections, but it is actually a summary of my journey. I have copied it here:

Generally speaking, one thinks of a connection as something that happens between two people. It took me until my early 60s to realize that the most important connection I will ever have is with myself. Being something of a people pleaser, I never spent much time thinking about my own wants and needs. A devastating break-up a couple of years ago changed all that. In retrospect, I am eternally grateful for the gift I have been given. But at the time, it broke me. For months I could not get out from under a dark cloud of sadness. I thought this relationship was for the duration. Apparently he thought otherwise. I grant you, there were other things happening at the same time but it was the break-up that was my catalyst for change.
I tried doing all the right things – leaning on friends, meditating, reading. I read dozens of books, some multiple times, trying to understand what happened and why. After six months of no significant improvement I sought the help of therapist. There is no shame in asking for help. Still somewhat in the throes of the pandemic I was fortunate to find someone who helped enlighten me on the ways I have been affected by family that I never envisioned. It took one word – neglect – that changed my life. Unbeknownst to me, neglect is not just physical. Even with the best of childhoods one can be emotionally neglected. I do not blame my parents – they were only human after all, and doing the best they could with the tools they had been given.
I always thought I was unlucky in love. I now realize that I played a major part in that. Being emotionally unhealthy, I was in no position to attract someone capable of a mutual/reciprocal relationship. I had been avoiding the ugly truth my whole life: it was I who was in need of fixing. There is much talk about well-being and self-care, but really, it’s not the spa treatments that make the difference. It’s the realization that if you don’t make yourself a priority in life no one else will. It’s understanding that you can only change yourself and that the urge to blame another will only keep you stuck. And perhaps most importantly, it’s about loving yourself to the degree that you recognize when your boundaries have been crossed and things are not working for you.
Spending time alone so you can really get to know yourself helps. Listening to your intuition (you know – that feeling in your gut or little voice in your head) is imperative. Without that it’s easy to get lost. The universe really does whisper until it screams. I learnt the hard way, but boy, was I due. I have spent many hours processing what happened to me and how that has affected my life until now. Journaling works for some. I found being in nature helped soothe my soul. The experience has changed me for the better. I now understand what matters most to me. I also know what I want for the rest of my life and I am dedicated to making that a reality. Spending time with good friends, traveling, and taking care of myself are what I intend on doing.
The gods have smiled upon me. My life is truly abundant. A relationship would be icing on the cake but no longer necessary. They say there are no coincidences in life. If that’s true then things do really happen for a reason. So trust in the universe. There will always be lessons to learn and opportunities for growth. The key is to pay attention and heed the call. Life really is a journey and there is no final destination. So long as you are open to the possibilities that come your way your life will improve. I guarantee it.