The grass is not always greener

Come to find out, an old friend used to be envious of my life. From the outside, my life did look great. Truth be told, it was nothing like what it seemed. My inner world has never been quite so rosy.

I have never been very good at living. The chains that bind me may not be visible, but life has not been easy for me. Quite simply, I have never had the confidence or wherewithal to go after what I want.

Fear is a big factor. Being judged is another. Feeling like I’m incapable or “shouldn’t” have also played a role. When emotional support is missing from an early age, the effects can last a lifetime.

I envy my son. He has always known what he wants and does what he needs to do to get it. He was worked very hard to get to where he is. And he is thriving. By anyone’s standards, he has done very well for himself.

The good news is I seem to have broken the cycle. Per my therapist, it was the decision I made to never let him feel like I did. Alone, like I didn’t matter, unsafe, insecure. Unlike me, he has confidence and a healthy level of self-esteem.

In comparison, I am only now figuring out how to make the life I want happen.