The devil you know

Holding onto a situation or someone is less about the inability to let go and more about the inability to move on. It is about the comfort of what is known versus the discomfort of the unknown. Safety versus fear, in other words.

When all you’ve known is chaos, safety – even the false promise of perceived safety – beckons. But perception is not grounded in reality. It is nothing more than the reality we construct from past experience. And it is subjective.

All too often it is an illusion. Formed through the need to make sense of your reality. As a coping mechanism or escape. Offering a sense of control and safety where there was none. A fantasy, in other words. Or wishful thinking.

You can fool yourself into thinking in terms of the fantasy of what is. But there is no deceiving reality. What is and what has been must be seen for what they are. Fantasy is, by definition, unreal. Understanding this should make the choice easier.

We deceive ourselves into thinking the little we have is something. So we stubbornly hold onto what we have. We are unwilling to risk losing what little we have for future gain. Because in the moment, future gain is meaningless.

Wishful thinking has no place in the present. It is only when we give that up that the future can happen. Only then will opportunities open up to us. Life is full of endless possibility. We just need to reframe our mindset to perceive it as such.